Love, But Only In Dreams
by xkouji killersx
Summary: This is a year after Sirius falls behind the veil. This is Remus' life after his one love dies. This is memories of Sirius and Remus together.


_In one cloudy morning, where a thunderstorm has just settled, there sat one couple, sitting close together as the fire roared in the fireplace. The one you would call Sirius Black, rested his head on the man that held him in his arms, as if never to let go. The light snoring of the sleeping teen made his lover, Remus J. Lupin, smile with the innocence of a young child. Moving a piece of black hair out of his slumbering lover's face, which was moved behind his ear and then he started to caress his cheek while he wished never to lose him._

_"I am so lucky to have him..." Remus thought. A sudden stirring made the young werewolf jump. The silent, yet the once slumbering student slowly opened an eye with a sparkle, something that should have faded away long ago, and something of what a little kid would have. Remus couldn't help but smile at his action. Having Sirius with him made such a peace to the werewolf. Sirius looked into the hazel eyes. Memories came back to him from his early childhood; from the day they met, to their first argument. All of the memories he had, he cherishes every last one of them and would never give any of them back… for anything._

_Remus shifted his position on the couch so he could face Sirius, while Sirius did the same. Leaning toward his werewolf, he placed a soft kiss on the lips he knew he would have forever. Remus' lips were the first to let go, which Sirius made his all-too-famous pout. "I can't refuse it…" and with that thought he pressed his lips to Sirius', but with this one with more passion. With that, Sirius returned the kiss. Sweetness filled his mouth, and then Sirius moved his hand from where be on Remus' cheek to his tawny hair._

That memory never left him. He had to keep the promise that Sirius made to him so long ago. "The promise of a teenager." That whisper echoed throughout the whole room, but the world would never hear it. A tear ran down his cheek and fell to the floor. Knowing more tears will fall; he didn't even erase the trail of the lone tear. The tear that kept everything away for so long, not to ever let go. Remus always believed that he would be last… the curse of the werewolf. Walking over to a chair, and rested his head in his hands. The darkness has chased away the light… death came to all of the people he loved and cared about, who was next?

Minutes away for when the clock would strike twelve. In just a moments' time is the day that he died. So many memories came back… these memories… that were made, before that dreadful year. The veil was his last memory… that day where many lives has changed, including the life of the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, and they never were the same… "So how can I be the one to hide it?" Lifting his head so he would look at the clock… Thirty seconds left… the one thing he never got to say, before he couldn't anymore, "I love you, and always will."

_Christmas time seemed so early for the new couple of Hogwarts. Remus always loved Hogwarts at Christmas time. When didn't Remus like Hogwarts? But this year was different, the smell of peppermint in he air, the mistletoe appearing whenever a couple stopped at a doorway, the portraits singing Christmas Carols while children walked by. Yes, and best of all, Remus got something new this year. Something that he never really got. Sirius Black._

_Outside of the majestic castle, not a lot of people were outside in the chilly weather. But who were outside were bundled up in layers of jackets and other layers of clothing. It was even hard to walk, talk, and even breathe in the condition they were in. That made no difference to the male couple. A snow had begun to fall, which roofed the heads that were uncovered. Their hands touched, and their fingers laced, and warmth came back to their fingers and palms from the cold December weather. Small smiles spread across both of the Gryffindor faces, as they walked on the edge of the lake. _

By this time, Remus had a trail of tears coming down his cheek and falling on the floor, just as he predicted. He had hidden his emotions from everyone… Everyone that could help with these kinds of emotions, and he knew he had to help anyone who was in a worse state then he was. But for now, all he could do was cry. Cry for all the good times they had. Cry for all the regrets both of them made. Cry for all times they could have shared but didn't. The one regret Remus made the one that will linger in his heart till the day he dies. Remus never completely said I love you. Sirius always knew that he loved Remus, and he knew Remus loved him, but respected his time to actually say it… and mean it. Remus wanted to say it when he was absolutely sure when…

_Late one night, when the stars were barely visible, sneaked a couple without any other companion by their side. Their hands were together, walking up a few flights of stair to the Astronomy Tower. The tower was a place for sneaking students to get away from the peering eyes in their common room, and that was the excuse they used to wonder off into the night. When they got there, couples of all years were there, seated anywhere as they pleased. _

_Then, the moonlight shown through the window, making the room a ghostly color, making the main couple glances at each other before taking another step. They walked to the window, where Sirius leaned on the windowsill and sighed. Remus took Sirius' hands within his, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. Sirius then gave Remus a questioning look._

"_Sirius, when I first met you, the first love I had for you, I loved you like a brother. Now, I really don't think I love you like a brother anymore, at least I hope not." Sirius stood there nodding at points where he thought were appropriate, but really, he wasn't listening to very much to what Remus was saying. All these things were going through his head, stuff that any hormonal teenage boy would thing about._

"_I wonder what Remus would look like in black leather pants… bad little werewolf…" that was one of Sirius' thoughts going though his head. Still doing his occasional nod of the head to keep Remus thinking that were has listening more than he really was. _

"…_What I'm trying to say is… Sirius, I lo—"then out of nowhere, there was a moan. This moan came from a girl that was on the other side of the room then they were, and she moaned out so loud a few couples stopped to look that made that moan this. "Oh Severus! Oh!" Disgust came upon the couple as they mouthed "Snape!" yes, it was a surprise to a lot of kids in the tower. "Snivillus getting laid!" thought a Very surprised Sirius. But Remus decided to continue this conversation in the room, for it might not come up again. _

"_Sirius, I- l-… I love your shirt." Sirius knows what Remus was trying to say. It's hard to confess feeling to another and not be afraid of the reaction of the other, but decided to comment anyways. "You like my shirt? Moony, we have the same shirt on." Remus' face was turning a few shades of red darker, while trying to think of an ok excuse to tell Sirius. "I know… but, it looks so much better on you, and yeah…"_

With all the tears shed, he never completely said 'I love you '. Even after one year, it's still hard to forget Sirius' last moments on Earth. For a while, Remus would always have in his mind that Sirius left for another person, just to take away the pain that he was dead. But deep in his heart, he knew Sirius would never do that. Remus saw everything that happened that night. The fear that Sirius had in his eyes when he found out that his godson went to go 'save him', to the look in his eyes just before his eyes disappeared behind the veil. The shock that his cousin beat him, in something she never could. Knowing she beat him in the very end…

Nightmares haunt him of all these memories. Knowing he can't share them with the one he experienced it with, just breaks his heart. Remus makes his first action, standing up and walking to the door. His hand reached for the knob, just wanting to run out and start his life from the beginning. Thinking he has nothing else to live for, but he really does. Sliding to the floor, with his hand gripping the knob, as if it was a hand, hanging onto his life, just shook his head. He has to stay, stay with the ones that haven't given up. His hand let go as the rest of his body fell to the floor. Pain like this just doesn't go away. It lingers till the day you die… This lesson is hard for anyone who was in love. A lesson that you never learn from.


End file.
